User:1stclasswarrior/Cotw/Archive 1



I've decided I'm gonna do a Q? ripoff but concerning things happening to me, the wiki and the world around us. This week is a double conspiracy. The first one is that I'm happy to announce that we hae a new ForumBanner created by yours truly. It seems that I may be taking the role of good 'ol' Blue here. I'm making all the kinds of things he did. Do you like it? Oh, and before you say, I know about the white around the 2 side images. I ad to leave it like that because if I moved the layer that was the problem, the blue background would stop in line with the Yeti's highest elbow, cutting half of the background away which, looks awful. I also know about the square-ness of the Dragon. That was the way he image came. But hey, having the banner is better that having just the box with the links in, no?&lt;br /&gt;

Now for the second Conspiracy. Swine flu. I have 1 guess as to why it happened, and 1 possible problem, (other than those pointed out in the media). It could be the Pigs doing this.

&lt;center&gt;  &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;PIGS ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;  &lt;/center&gt;

The Pigs are weakening Human-kind in order to take revenge for us eating all of them and laughing at them squeal and roll around in their own filth. Yes, people! The Pigs want revenge. BAD!!! Their battle plan. Give us the Flu and while we don't expect it; Crush us (Literally). They will sit on our old people and childeren. Using their unstoppable force of fat, the Pigs will enslave Mankind rule over us forever. I'm sure that while this is happeneing, a vegeterian will pipe up and say to the founders of "McDonald's", "Burger King" and "KFC": "I told you so..."&lt;br /&gt;

Now for the problem, Terrorists. I'm sure all of you people visiting my userpage has at least  heard  of "Terrorist Bombing". The Trrorists will use the Flu to their advantage. Instead of using proper bombs, they will bomb us with Pigs instead. What a great plan. Killing people with Pigs. Genius!! I can sum up the results of that plan in 2 words.

&lt;center&gt;  &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;EPIC FAIL&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;  &lt;/center&gt;

Seriously, what are they going to do? Scare us to death? Or just crush a few people with lucky shots? Or, they could plant dynamite in Pigs. What an odd factory that would produce.... foreign people shoving dynamite up a a pig's ass. Then, they'd just take the Pig back to one of those farms where you can feed the animals and wait for the explosion. It would go something like this:&lt;br /&gt;  Kid  :Mommy, mommy, lookat at the Pig! (giggles)

 Mom  :Wow jack! (pretendin to be interested)

 The Pig explodes, leaving a crater in the ground .

The headlines would be:

&lt;center&gt;  &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;Roast Pork kills hundereds&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;  &lt;/center&gt;&lt;br /&gt;

Well, that's me done. Thanks for reading  Conspiracy of the week  !!

Before I start, I need to apologise. NO, it's not about the Hitler article A11 made and should be temporarily blocked for. (Hint Hint) but it's the fact that this is a day late. Well, in my defence, I'd rather be testing out my new laptop and playing my new FF than spending ALL my spare time on the computer. This week is:

Top 5 crazy things available to buy: 5

Yes, it's a cupholder for Chips/Fries!! I can tell that it's definitley american. Not to be racist or anything, but it is. I'm going on stereotypes here. A sterotypical American is a fat person with a baseball cap and a fetish for women dressed as a giant cheesburger. I can mostly tell that it's American because of the plastic. Crappy, cheap plastic. Also, the big giveaway are the stripes on the inside of the packet. They are not present in the UK version of "MCDONALDS" chip packet.... things. Moving on. 4

I must ask you. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!! It looks like a Golf caddy mixed with one of those Fiat Doblo's. Horrible. I can only think of 1 use for that thing. Warning Aliens not to come here because you'll be bombarded with crap like this and the above item. I did a little research on this and for all of you who like cars, here are the statistics:

0-29mph:- 14 seconds (That's the Top speed) BHP:- 6BHP Number of gears:- 4 (Pointless)

Now for the party piece. The version you see before your very eyes is the sports version. I took the stats of the sports version. And I'm NOT joking. 3

Riiiiiight...... WTF? Just so you know, it's japanese, just like number 2. "How to cool your noodles in a hurry" I wonder what the advert was... A squid wearing a sailors hat and a skirt kilt demanding you buy the product. That's the Japanese for you. I love the Japanese. However, I still retain my point of "WHY?" Why do we need this? It's called blowing on it. It helps.. Plus, trying to teach kid this would be a nightmare. Someone will be in a resturant one day and a severed thumb will fly into their soup.

2

I've already told you that this is Japanese. But, you gotta admit, this is pretty crazy. Just not as wierd as my number 1.... My number 1 will shock you. Most likely any women reading this. But I will explain when the time comes. Well, I kinda like this idea. It'll be great in school. If I get hungry in one of my lessons, I can whack on some "Butterstick; The lipstick that tastes like butter!" OMG!! IT DOES!! I like the tase of butter. It will be nice if I'm hungry in one of my (Many) science lessons. Although, I still maintain the same question as in the above: "WHY?"

1



Yes, it's wierd. If you zoom in, for my defense on this image. It is an air freshener.... "EWWWWW!!!" I can hear BL screaming in the background as she looks at this.... Sorry ladies, but it's just plain odd. It's all types of wrong: Usable, Smells nice? Has the word "SEX" in the title. It's so wrong. But the wierd thig is, I found out about this in a different way to what you think. It wasn't me looking for "Wierd inventions" on Google images. Although, that's how I found this image. (AT SCHOOL NO LESS). But I'm not gonna tell you.

Once again it is I The so-called "1stclasswarrior", the guy who thinks his dad is a total dumbass who is scared of anything. Welcome to conspiracy of the week!! This week is gonna be about my favorite thing:

DRIVING CARS 'N STUFF

Recently, I have started a new thing of driving at my young, beautiful age of 15. I drive a 2003 Toyota Yaris that has a 1.0 litre engine, which is, small but gutsy. I drive one of these in blue, not the silver you see here. It's a little hobby of mine that's changing me forever, I'm more confident and stuff like that. But enough about my feelings, I'm here to tell you about all the funny stuff that's happened in my new little japanese wonder machine. I'mm guessing some of you readers are surprised at this point, esspecially RLLB. You are thinking "There IS something 1st likes more than girls..... Is he ill?" Well, I'm telling the truth, This is really fun, it may just be the car, but I love doing this and reccommend it to anyone who as the chance to do so. Anyway, on to the funnies.

One of these is on my first day, which was when I stalled a lot, but hey; in my defence, we all do when we first learn. It wasn't me who caused the funny though, it was someone a little in front of me in a Ford Focus. They stalled and the car shook so much it looked like someone was having a party in the back seat. You know those things with the bobby up-and-down heads, I swear I saw one of those fly through the window and into another car.

The next funny was on the second day, it was a week after the first, and the time before, I had not been graded so All I could do was drive round in a mini oval until I got my grade 5. So, almost instantly, an instructor got in the car and went to see how I was doing. THAT was annoying, considering how before I was gonna get instructed but about 20mins before it was my turn, his daughter (Age 17) was giving birth at the other end of the country and he had to see that. Pervert....

This isn't as funny as the first, but I was so proud when I changed gear for the first time. You could mistake my smile for that "I've just lost my viginity" smile men get. You know the one ladies and gentlemen, that one. Of course that hasn't happened, because I'm uglier than a picture of Hitler with half his face burned off from a bomb. Seriously, don't. For that very reason, I have to apologize to RLLB for him knowing me at school. Sorry man, but I just don't give a shit about how I look.

A while into my time at the driving club thingy, I had to do a first aid course. So I know from experience, this means heed this following advice;

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T DO A FIRST AID COURSE, IT'S CRAPPY TO DO AND MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY IF YOU MESS UP AND FAIL.

Why would you want someone to puke on you? Why? "This person is not breathing, I'll perform CPR" After you perform CPR they thank you by puking on you. That's worst for women with open tops.... ewww. Not even I'm interested in cleavage then. Okay, so it saves lives, but what if you don't care? What if you think that we should stop saving people for a while so that there are no more homeless people begging you for money. Let the dying die, so that there is room for the healthy to live.

Now for the biggest funny. My dad, the dumbass with a beard to rival that of the so called "Santa Claus". I was yesterday, for those of us who were not reading this the day I wrote it, the 10th of may 2009. I was doing 21mph down a makeshift dual carriageway with a speed limit of 60mph on an arifield. My dad told me;

"It's okay to be scared, it feels faster in the driver's seat so it may scare you. You can go at whatever speed you are happy with. I'm okay with it" ect. So, I put my foot down. I went up 2 gears into 40mph, so I was still well below the limit. My dad got so scared he had a panic attack and we had to pull over while the car got towed home later on. That ruined my day. Now he has to stay at home to be treated for shock/trauma. What a weak person. The weak are useless. Forget the weak, leave the weak to rot.

Thanks for reading!!

It's that time of the week again, you lot listeneing to me rant about my personal life. YAAY!! Today, I'm stuck with a dillema. Should it be:

How much I hate "Necrophile" (FFIX necron)

Or:

"The tale of when me and RLLB got banned from the FFWiki"

I think I'll go with the second one.

The tale of when me and RLLB got banned from the FFWIKI My newest hate and next weeks tale. I was sat at my desk one afternoon watching clips of Globez in Dissidia on Google video's.... they were pretty interesting to see how someone can fight like that.... chaining attacks together and so forth. When I saw a video called "Psychowarrrior's Show" this was a personal opinion of who should be in Dissidia, (A bit late mate) He thinks Garland is from FFII!!! XD He then mentioned the FFWiki so I thought to open a forum asking of we should add the video. It's nice to have a reference you know. I had a message at the top of my screen. It basically said:

What you see here, that's my proof, a screenshot with crappy freehand cropping. So, I phoned up my good friend RLLB. He went on there to ask Fae why and it turned out he was banned too. This is no joke, ask Faethin himself, he didn't have a clue how to fix it. We both decided to try the IRC because he's usually there, luckily for us, he was. And also luckily, we could go on there, at least we still had the right to view pages, eh? He told us to go ask #wikia for help, a load of use they were. They didn't believe me except 1 person after I told Fae and he confirmed it. I have to thank the person who fixed the problem and proved that bot's are a pain in the ass. Unfortunatley, I can't remember their name and have been reduced to Thank You!!

As soon as I find that bot I will so kill it!!!!! Grrrrrrr woof woof. MOOOOOO

What was the problem? I hear you ask, the problem was the actual culprit's Dial-up connection, he was somehow using, his, mine and RLLB's IP addresses all at once, so the bot banned the other 2 (Mine and RLLB's) in co-ordination with Fae banning the real IP...

Sigh.....*

How much I hate Necrophile This is Necrophile ModifyDeletemove I know that it's odd to see me ranting about one of the pre-XI Final Fantasy games. But hey, every game ahs a fault but this one pisses me off the most out of the Squaresoft games. Just in case anyone reading this has never played a Final Fantasy game, thas is Necron, the last boss of Final Fantasy IX. Up to most thigs in FF, this is a total pussy. Kind of like Cloud of Darkness pussy. WAAAAAY to easy for me. I'm like a god of these games, seriously, I am. I'm sure that if you were on the FFWIKI IRC channel at the time I was fighting this you are thinking:

"What a liar! He lost 5 times!!!" I lost because my only healing spell was the weakest of them all. Cure. Now try calling me a liar if I defeated it with only that. Yeah, what a pussy. So, I was already pissed off because the battle just before was so easy, (Trance Kuja) and this craphole comes along. It has no imporance in the story whatsoever. Nothing. It's never introduced beforehand and all it talks about is killing you. When I first heard that I said:

"WHAT!?!?!?! With THAT much health?" I couldn't stop laughing, that's why I died the first time. I dropped the controller from laughing so hard and couldn't pick it up. So my people were just stood there getting killed while this thing pounded me with it's best attacks.

Then came the second attempt. My magic had worn off for a couple days, I'd been pissing around the fight before so I was low on healing stuff and he opened up with his most annoying attack. The ever cheap; "Grand Cross". This attack sucks, it really does. That's why I failed all those times, but it's not Grand Cross that kils me. It's the fact that before I can heal afteer that, he uses another evil attack: "Neutron ring" this kills me. It's like he weakens my team first then chops my ass of with this one. Now you are wondering as to why I called it "Necrophile"? It's just an insulting name.

Ever hear of Necrophelliacs? This guy is the head gang leader. He kills you then fucks you so hard you disintergrate. If he really annoys me I give him the name "Necropiles" That's why he's so into death, because the pain from his anal disorder killed him.

 TOP 5 FAIL'S 

5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8YYGvpfIJI&feature=channel

4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUlmDzPQMZU&feature=channel

3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_GfE8PP1E

2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mP3FqUUAAw

1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N01v-VCpYw&feature=channel